Online Dating Tip: Ex-Wives and Ex-Lives

When you first meet that person who attracted you on an internet dating site, you are both here....now.   You may be nervous or self-conscious and there's nothing wrong with admitting that.  Once you acknowledge the awkwardness, you may find it dissipates.

The most common mistake singles make is perhaps trying to hard to explain themselves when they date a new person.   We do this because we're not comfortable and are trying to fill a conversational gap.   Truth is, the topics you choose to talk about often say more about you than the story you are telling.  Common subjects we may drone on about are our work problems, our pets, endless jokes....and our ex-lives and ex-wives.

Who has not spent a first or second date with someone who spent the entire dinner talking about her horrible previous relationship or his terrible ex-wife? Were you interested?   Probably not.   Chances are you drew conclusions about your date from the stories you were told.   There is a point in getting to know someone well where we want to know about the past and what has brought them to this point in life.   That point is not when you first meet them.

When you bring a third party into a date, nothing good can come of it.   We all tend to tell our life stories in a way that presents us in the best light.  It's human to do that - and we know others do the same.   The old joke is that people may talk about the weather in an attempt at conversation - and that's considered boring.   Equally boring can be someone who talks only about "my feelings" or about wrongs done to them or past marital difficulties.  It's too personal to share with someone you don't yet know well.  Those of us who have been the listener on some of these dates know someone else's past can be boring, too.

When on a date with a new person or talking to a new acquaintance through an online dating service, you may be asked about your past or whether you were married.   Treat the question casually and provide a short, non-bitter, answer and move to a new topic.  Avoid bringing your old baggage into your new friendship and relate to new people in a new way.